Anger Management 101 – vent your anger

A shoutout to all desi motherfuckers going to the temple and leaving their shoes all over the place. Do you really think the shoe-rack outside the temple is an item of display like your wife’s boobs? MOTHERFUCKERS.

After you finish your aarti, get your ass back so people behind you get a chance to do the Aarti. MOTHERFUCKERS!

And last but not the least, I don’t want you touching any part of my body when in line for the Prasad. So move your dick away from me MOTHERFUCKER.

How much is too much – My fellow Facebook motherfuckers. If you don’t get any updates from me, be it “buying goats or milk or chicken on hen”, be it daily horoscopes, be it finding chicken shit in the “life box”, be it any damn “application”, I don’t give a rat’s ass to your updates. So go to the settings page and the right thing. MOTHERFUCKERS.

Cramer is a MOTHERFUCKER.

Why the fuck is GE down. I don’t quite understand. I am getting screwed so FUCK GE. No no FUCK ME!

I follow a few blogs and I get updates everytime there is activity on that particular blog. Don’t fuckin shove your fuckin blog down my fuckin throat and quit updating your fuckin status. MOTHERFUCKER.

Why am I back to blogging? I just wanted to end the year on a positive note. So, HAPPY NEW YEAR MOTHERFUCKERS.

P.S: I have a 10-day vacation and have nothing else to do. So, please bear with my extreme behavior.

Blogging 101 – For Dummies!!!

So the other day I was tracking visitor traffic on my blog and I was shocked hmm…maybe not shocked but surprised hmm…may not surprised but traumatized I guess is the right word.

Firstly, this one dude google searched the key word “nude desi” and voila he ended up on my blog. Now I can understand his frustration when he got to my blog, especially with his one had busy stroking his thing, only to realize there was no nudity on this darn blog of mine and instead found what represented “free wholesome family entertainment” – never mind the not so often cussing. Hey, if you are one of those guys out there with nothing better to do in life and decide to investigate the truth, let me tell you that you might not find my blog listed under the first 600 pages that google spits out with keyword “nude desi”. So don’t bother. If you still insist on conducting the “research”, please feel free to share your findings with me.

I guess the moral of the story is if you are one of those misery bloggers thinking your blog represents an awesome piece of journalism and trying to reach out to gain massive readership or visitor traffic on your blog, then the key is “pornography”. I am telling you, pornographic material of any kind, form and shape works. Now I am cannot guarantee you my allegiance to your blog if it involves your bare ass, rest assured you will find likeminded “despos” and sons of bitches swarming with their dicks held high.

Secondly, late last month there was a sudden surge in profile visitors from some of the Muslim nations. My initial reaction was panic. So does this make me a racist – absolutely not. Does this make me a typical ignorant, politically in-correct SOB who stereotypes people based on religion and geographic location – yeah you can say that. Anyways, now that I was in the panic mode, the first thing I did was to go back to all my posts to make sure I did not offend any particular religion unintentionally and if I did I was willing to apologize before a “fatwa” (yeah right big Salman Rushdie this bugger!!) was officially issued by the mullahs from this neck of the world.

So I guess the moral of this story is, if you are new to blogging and if you are going to blog about sensitive issues, be it about gays, muslims, jews, blacks, your addiction to self-stimulation, your boss at work, it makes sense not to reveal your identity and stay incognito. I only wish I posted this darn post as my first blog and not revealed my identity.

I say GOD - mind your own business!!

I have had one on ones with GOD every now and then. Its always been very cordial and friendly. But this recent rendezvous with HIM the other day was quite extra ordinary. Friday is when I get a lot of time for myself. Get off early from work. Wife out of the house. So it’s basically me, myself and my TV.

So come Friday, I slip into my specially designed "TV watching attire", cracked open a cheap ice cold Kirkland beer, kickback and settled down to watch TV my way which tyipcally is browsing the channel listing in this never ending loop of 100 odd channels. Couple of hours later, I typically switch anywhere from 5 to 8 channels. Finally, at around the fourth or fifth hour of my channel surfathon, I was down to 3 channels at any given point of time. I guess GOD could not take my channel changing madness any longer and it was right at this point He thought it was about time to intervene. With all humility I must admit, to have GOD monitor me for 5 plus hours, I honestly think that He either took the day off of his busy schedule or was mad I was not watching his favorite channel. This is exactly what happened (picture the following - Law and Order style):

Friday 12:30 PM – start TV watching marathon

Friday 2:25 PM – channel changing madness continues between 100 channels

Friday 3:30 PM – channel surfing between 8 channels

Friday 4:45 PM – no change from above

Friday 5:00 PM – channel surfing continues but between 3 channels

Friday 5:11 PM – GOD intervenes in his own style

At around 5:12 all three channels showed advertisements. Unlike the other times, this time around it was OXY CLEAN on all three channels and trust me, it was the same fuckin' man with the beard shouting like he had a mexican jelopino up his ass. I am not making this up. The advertisement brought back images of my wife from the earlier night reminding me the hundreth time to get the laundry done when I got back home.

Time: Friday 5:15 PM

Location: Laundry room with OXY CLEAN in one of my hands and a basket of dozen odd used underwear in the other.

Moral of story: GOD like my wife, prefers watching one channel at a time. SHIT!

Lok Sabha 2009 Coverage

Everything you need to know about the elections. Nice one!!
Check out how much Shri Shri Deve Gowda's son-of-bitch son Shri Shri Shri HD Kumaraswamy is worth.

http://www.empoweringindia.org/new/home.aspx

My predictions - Lok Sabha Elections 2009

Karnataka and Gujarat will see BJP enjoying a clear majority.

Bihar will be a nail biter now that the three stooges have joined hands but at end of the day Bihar will go to Nitish Kumar.

Andhra Pradesh will be interesting to watch who will eat the Thirupathi Laddu with Chiru stealing vote share from the Congress and TDP.

Tamil Nadu – based on historic swings, the ding-dong should swing towards AMMA.

West Bengal – Not surprisingly will go to the Left and Mamta Banerjee will offer her body for sale. No seriously, if she and her party continue their consistent dismal performance again this year, she should take up doing house-hold chores fulltime. Stop this noise you make you little bimbo.

Delhi – Will and should go to Congress

Uttar Pradesh –SP and Congress will come out humping each other.

I don’t quite know about the other states and territories.

Overall, fasten your seat belts for the Political tamasha at the Center. Not surprisigly you will see the third front with their dicks held high as they will indeed hold the swing at the center.

Breaking News: Deve Gowdaji wears no underwear!!

If some JD (S) loyalists think I am starting a rumour here, let me ask you this. How would you know?

Ok, the Bhishma Pitamah of the so called only “genuine, indigenous regional party” from the state of Karnataka is at his shameless best again. First, in blowing off the electoral bugle and calling all like-minded, opportunistic morons to form the Third Front, Deve Gowdaji has shown the world that apart from dragging is sagging aged balls under that “white wraparound”, he still can carry the mantle of being called the sickest, opportunistic politician Karnataka has produced, even beating the likes of the late “womanizer” Patil, “party hopper” Bangarappa and “you’ve got to be kidding me” Vatal Nagaraj. Just when you thought that Gowdaji was barely clinging on to sanity, he opens his mouth and says this crap. And then when you thought this old worthless bag of douche could not be any stupider, he beats all estimates and raises the bar for himself and opens his mouth again to say this shit.

Disclaimer: If you support JD (S) please skip the following section.

My sources (I can’t name them for obvious reasons)tell me that the other day, Gowdaji after a daylong election campaigning realized that the dragging of his sagging balls on the rural Karnataka country side, took its toll, when the sack of his sagging teabag tore open and one of his balls rolled out. The drama however happened when one of his cock-sucking “yes-man” stepped on it and cracked it open, releasing the filthiest fumes ever. This hasn’t deterred the old fart from campaigning, although now, every night Gowdaji has one of his two sons stroke his one remaining ball and the other moron rub a handful of Burnol to his sack, which endures the rough country terrain every freakin’ day.

I will gladly take up writing a biography of Deve Gowdaji if his family wants me to.
What? Of course I will be respectful – What the heck!!!

Dumb – Dumbo – Damaaaaar!!!!!!!!!!!

It’s been a month since I started working out and it’s been weeks since I gave-up on that shit. So, it was time to explore other interesting avenues to take up and give up.

What started off as a potential new hobby, was in fact a googly which has left my morale and self esteem in tatters. Well… not quite. Two beers and a car-bomb later I realized that with my good-for-nothing attitude I can only go so far. Rummaging around the vast acres of Barnes and Nobles, I found the paperback that I think was tailor made for me. Yes, it was one of those “For Dummies” that really interested me. I understand from my brief research in that scary world of million plus books that “dummy is as dummy one can get”. There’s no dummier. I guess the next thing that follows ‘dummy’ is a “retard” and there are no books for retards in Barnes and Nobles. It seems like the writers and publishers have collaborated in essentially announcing to the world that they are also catering to the needs of the very last stratum of intellectual human form that god created.

Half hour and 5 pages through the “for dummies” book, I completely lost the premise. Having shaken off the thoughts of big-booby bollywood babes that started creeping-in five minutes into the second phase of reading, I managed 2 more pages of hundred odd words and THAT WAS IT. I couldn’t take it anymore. It was like someone cut the connecting nerve between the eye and the brain. I could continue reading further but it made absolutely no sense at all. My new found tenacity for reading lasted a good half hour.

So my whole point is - in this age of political correctness where you can’t call out a black person or a retard or a prostitute or a muslim for what they are, how could they call me a dummy and be able to flaunt it by selling hundreds and thousands of those books. Now here’s my beef about the book which claims to be for those who came last in school, for those who don’t quite understand didly squat about a particular subject. If I could not understand the book, doesn’t that mean that the author and the book failed? You are darn right these are times when I support the Taliban backed shariah law where the author is stripped to his bare ass and publicly flogged till his balls fall-off.

Disclaimer: Don’t read the “for dummy” books when your parents are around because it’s like their worst dreams came true. It’s like parents finding out that their son is gay.